23/2/2019

Feeling lonely... I tried to live my life positively but I just can't... I kept thinking why all of these happened to me.. I wonder why... I know that Allah tests us for reasons and He know that we can endure them but I just can't... I feel like I'm not strong enough for all of that... I know that this is nothing compared to other people but still...

CHINGU

i dont know why but i feel like i dont have friends at all... not that im lonely but all 'friends' i've got just doesnt feel like friend. is it bcuz the way i treat them or they treating me? not that frequent of thinking like this but when it hits me,it hurts. seeing my ex-classmates posting pictures of them going outing somewhere or even meet each other make me feel jealous. why cant i experience something like that too? is it bcuz i always declined their offers? i feel so jealous... is it my fault?

Bad memories

I have failed JPJ test for the 2nd time already!!!!!! FUCK!
Alhough I passed on the road test, but I failed in circuit test!!!! FUCK!!!!!
It just RIDICULOUS the reason why I failed. In 3 pointer, you just gotta have to do 3 movements only. So what I did was I ACCIDENTALLY reversed so that already count as ONE! I'm quite shocked since I didn't even realized that and the tester said "Awk terkejut kami lagi terkejut... Takyah nk terkejut sgt". WHAT THE FUCK! I don't know that was happened so stop perli2!!!! Fuck them!

Okayy so actually I want to tell u guys my experience going to an annual dinner of my faculty... This actually happened last year(which basically means 2018)...
So what happened was, i was one of the APACS member( a student body) so literally i was involved in this dinner... Preparing and stuffs. . Quite happy bcuz i was quite prepared some stuffs like dress, accessories, and i was even hired a makeup artist so that i will look pretty or good unlike my normal days. . I was so happy thinking something might happen (even though i do know no one knew my existence) and i dont even know what was i thinking ... Its crazy like how i even thought of that... So basically, quite anticipating a lot of thing but unfortunately, things doesnt went my way.
That night, was a hectic night. I arrived late bcuz of the makeup things... The registration became quite a chaos... The whole registration team went inside to watch that dancing thing (to officiate the event) and i was left outside alone. No one was there(not like no one 'no one' but you know). I came in late and just came in so I can have my dinner, prepare for my award stuff and then boom! The dinner almost end... Should I say that I didnt really enjoyed the dinner...
The saddest part of the night is I dont have friends at all!!! I do take some pics but thats happen just bcuz i asked them to. If not, i wont have any pic at all!! I just took pics with anyone i see that have free time.... I didnt realized that i was lonely untill one moment when everyone actually taking pics and i was seating alone in the corner just watching they take pics... Feel like a total loner... I guess i was meant to not have close friend....

Amnesia

I dont know why but i have been praying that i will have amnesia for half of my life... I just want to forget everything and remember nothing...

Current drama : The Last Empress

recent episode of The Last Empress was just full of plot twist!!! a lot of unexpected things happened in just one episode!!! you really cant predict the ending as the storyline always change in every episode!!! from bad to good, good to bad, a lot of betrayal happening... it just so cool! cant wait to see their ending!

xoxo

hi it's been a long while. i coudnt even remember my last post... actually im not the type of person to write anything online but suddenly i have the mood to do so. currently listening to gnash - i hate u, i love u... my mood kind of swing right now... dont know why... always feel like this... since i dont have any topic to talk about maybe i will write about inferiority... i have this feeling of feeling jealous whenever i see anyone with pretty face, flawless skin and slim body. recently i know this one band named "insomniacks"... their vocalist named Iqie... i dont know why but i have this one feeling everytime i see him... everytime i look at his pic or watching their videos, i cant stand  to look for a long time. am i feeling jealous? i dont know how people can actually get really pretty... have themselves a handsome boyfriend, a pretty girlfriend... how can they actually develop feelings towards each other... its weird to think of... im sure there must be a reason why i dont have boyfriend and stuff but what... i feel really jealous... always posting about their partners... maybe i should just focus on my studies... even my crush is focusing in his studies... maybe you dont know about my crush because i didnt really tell anyone about it... maybe i will write about it in next post... as for now thats it... bye...